Believe!

Just look at how beautiful the world is. Kittens. Sunsets. Love. I was so depressed when I thought that we were all alone, but now that's all changed. Now that I went down on my knees for Jesus, He has shown me that there is more to life than just living it.

I was so wrong about so many things. The human body is a miracle of intelligent design, perfect in every way. People who get sick did something wicked to deserve it. And God put the fragile and sensitive testicles outside the body to remind you of His love. He even made some people gay so that those of us who have been Born Again could practice the taunting, beating, and killing skills we'll need when we die and join His Holy Army. I LOVE JERRY FALWELL!!!!!!!11

I've also realized that the Republicans were right all along. How could I have been so elitist and immoral? Look at the flood of democracy spurting across the Middle East as we speak! We need to invade more countries, kill more people, and then everyone who is left alive will be free! To produce our consumer goods! And to eat our McDonalds!

april, fools